good times
music - ever deeper by nine inch nails
you know how after a funny moment or a good movie, people always say "good times, good times"? well, i've decided to make a list of all the "good times" i've had. listed in the choppy memories i have. perhaps you're part of it.
1 - brian's house. skinny dipping at 1 in the morning, max freestyling, sitting on rocks looking at the moon, led zepplin, brian's room, chinese food at 3:30 am, lola and gizmo, lowell folk festival, summer.
2 - maine this summer. sunrise, sunsets, stars, sleeping on peoples private beaches, paddle boats.
3 - rudi. ageless hobo, wise words, loveing, poet who can't read.
4 - john's basement. the itialian job, the red chair, ryan, ariel, cobby, lillian, everyone cool in one room, jolly ranchers, anti-grape, vodka, the heater.
5 - ariel's room. red, cats, dark rooms.
6 - andy's lawn. all i can say is thank you, sitting wet grass, looking at dead trees and purple skies.
7 - visiting CFS. gaycorns forever, torching the school, trips to the spa, pranks, recess and cubbies in 8th grade, sex talks during lunch, the smell of mold, silent meeting.
8 - porter. with jo, max, cobby, and talia, anna's, burlington coat factory, "this is not a house of god", butterflies.
9 - saturday night. going to john's and then john wilsons, fritz and tom, having john wilson pretend he was andy's sister, driving top speed to andy's house, slamming on the breaks, blowing kisses, vaguely tipsy, not getting in tooo much shit with my mom.
10 - talking with jo. comferting, trips to harvard square, grave yard visits, book disscussions, trustworthy, best friends.
11 - sleepovers with talia. up all night, good movies, root beer, sleeping late, lollipops, anna's at 11 at night, "chillaxin'" haha, roberta and janet, fooling taoe, dancing, JACKSON! OW!, best friends.

best times of my life.
- posted by Heather @ 10:35 AM

 
amanda! woo!
music - greetings and goodbyes by AFI
wdvk (7:28:36 PM): well i love ur hair, u have a really cute personality and ur have nice eyes and a great smile and i love ur voice
blondefury3 (7:30:33 PM): thanks you just made me feel a shit load better
wdvk (7:30:42 PM): :-)
blondefury3 (7:30:43): thanks i love you so much! i feel so much better!
wdvk (7:30:46 PM): good u should
wdvk (7:30:53 PM): ur awesome i miss you so much!!!!!

- posted by Heather @ 5:22 PM

 
guys to avoid like (they have) the plague:
music - the wall by pink floyd
- muscians (drummers are ok 'cause they have no ego left after being the butt of everyone's jokes for so many years.)
- guys who are shorter/thinner then you (it's very hard to avoid being about 5 foot 7 inches, believe me.)
- guys with flashy cars, or an obbsession with flashy cars (they spend a LOT more time with the car/gazing at it then you.)
- all of my ex boyfriends (i can give you their names if you'd like!)
- guys in debt. (i'm broke enough as is.)
- guys recently released from prison (you'd think this one'd be easy but surprisingly it is not when you live down the road from several half-way house's and you all share a bus stop.)
- married guys/dating guys. (duh.)
- guys you work with/have a lot of classes with. (the awkwardness that's bound to ensue when you break it off it terrible.)
- guys with mentel issues. (i'm not discriminating against anyone, it's just that two in a relasionship is too many!)
- guys with self-loathing issues buried beneath a thick layer of bravado (oh hang on, that fits into the 'my ex-boyfriends' category too.)
- guys who don't read. (actually avoid anyone who doesn't read. not as in dyslexia but genuinely avoiding reading...there's something not quite right about that...)
- posted by Heather @ 5:20 PM

 
invisible people
music - fine again by seether
rudi is a homeless man who takes my buses and trains who writes and sells poetry. he shows up everywhere. waltham, belmont, harvard square, cambridge. once, while seated in front of me on a bus on my way home, he turned around and whispered conspiratorally "i'm a spy. a RUSSIAN spy. but you don't have to worry, i'm a double agent." then, with effort, he winked at me with the eye that always faces to the left and got off at the next stop. another time i approached him and said quietly "my thoughts meander like restless wind inside a letter box." and he grinned toothily and slunk away into shadows.
i haven't seen him since.
- posted by Heather @ 10:26 PM

 
a little thought about my good day
music - don't know why by norah jones
a hand on my back. someone touched my side.
"oh, excuse me. hmm?"
a big smile directed to nobody that was standing behind me. my guardian angel must have started to doze and i guess i bumped into him as he blinked. that means i'm doing good. i must be doing fine-so fine today that my angels are bored. all i know is that my day can't go wrong if i stay on the same path i had started on this morning...
- posted by Heather @ 9:23 PM

 
ryah babies! let's play ponies! *jumps on back*
music - stairway to heaven by led zepplin
picklemonster (10:57:35 PM): oh man i was watching home videos of me when iw as a baby i was such a freak
picklemonster (10:57:48 PM): i ate rocks and cat food and my favorite activity was opening and closing doors
picklemonster (10:58:03 PM): and i puked alllll over the place
- posted by Heather @ 11:01 PM

 
ze james!
music - anything by the hellpigs
Devilman (10:17:05 PM): maybe its your natural coolness, or insane beauty

haha, i do love you james. lol =D
- posted by Heather @ 10:21 PM

 
please
music - slit wrist theory by 36 crazyfists
please don't be mad at me because i have other places to go on occasion other then your house. please don't be upset because i don't invite myself places and didn't think you'd care otherwise. please don't hate me because i 'ditched' you. i didn't mean to, i just didn't think you'd care. you didn't seem to notice, you and her had walked away. i had made these plans...like last week. i'm sorry if you consider that leaving you.
honestly. i didn't mean to.
it's not like you haven't done anything to hurt me, either.
- posted by Heather @ 9:36 PM

 
it's true
music - hands down by dashboard confessional
helloelise (10:43:54 PM): HEATHER YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
heatheramble (10:44:04 PM): ...what?
heatheramble (10:44:05 PM): lol
helloelise (10:44:09 PM): i think its true
helloelise (10:44:15 PM): i really needed to tell you!
helloelise (10:44:16 PM): so i did
heatheramble (10:46:28 PM): where did that come from?
helloelise (10:46:38 PM): i had an epiphany tonight
helloelise (10:46:43 PM): i realized how beautiful everyone is
helloelise (10:46:46 PM): and everything
helloelise (10:46:46 PM): and
helloelise (10:46:50 PM): i have never been so happy
helloelise (10:46:53 PM): so i felt the need
helloelise (10:46:55 PM): to tell everyone
helloelise (10:46:58 PM): exactly how i feel about them
helloelise (10:47:03 PM): because we only have so much time
- posted by Heather @ 11:24 PM

 
i only want perfection.
music - the winters sky by the dead finks
i feel so worthless.
i'm not enough for anyone. i wish i was everything they wanted me to be. i wish i could satisfy them, bring them the perfection they want, bring them all they crave. make them need me as much as i need them. i guess i might. until they learn things. memories brought on by excesive medication and cold days. sweatshirts and cold shadows of green. and then. then they don't want to know. because their obligation to me and my problems is too strong. they don't need that. they have their own lives to live. i'm sorry for not being all you wanted. i really am.
i wish you knew how much i needed you. then again, i know you know. i'm too busy lying to myself to think otherwise.
until tonight. tonight when i found out that the only person i could ever talk too feels the same way as everyone else.

i guess you just don't care anymore.
- posted by Heather @ 10:43 PM

 
jo makes me so fucking happy
music - creep by radiohead
superhoomus (8:58:46 PM): and i think it's about time someone told you that you are beautiful
superhoomus (8:58:52 PM): you are beautiful
...
superhoomus (9:02:50 PM): first of all you're not ugly, and second of all i'm not just talking about your looks!
superhoomus (9:03:16 PM): you are one of the nicest funniest people i have ever met
superhoomus (9:03:36 PM): you are the only person i feel i can ever really talk to.
superhoomus (9:04:52 PM): i'm not just being nice you know
superhoomus (9:05:01 PM): i'm being honest

i really love joseph. even my own boyfriend could never be that honest with me. i love you jo, thanks so much for everything. =D
- posted by Heather @ 9:00 PM

 
today does not even deserve a title
music - iris by the goo goo dolls
humph. so today i was going to see cobby because i love her dearly, but no. my mother has no sence of humour. i told her to refrain from going ape shit on me whenever i swear because she does constantly (if you qualify gol' dang! as such) and told her that i was at a very impressionable age, you know. and then she got all shocked and teary and said we never do anything as a family anymore. then i explained that we are four people, and that by very unfortunate circumstances are stuck together for a good long time, why make it any worse by going on long walks or visiting garden centers? then she lost it and i was grounded for a day. poo. ah well. cobby i love you very much even though i haven't been able to see you today.
anyway. i was awoken today around noon very rudely because i thought my house was on fire and i needed rescue some pants because i recently spent a ridiculous amount of money on them.
but they are ever so pretty!
...so last night i had gone to bed with all my clothes on after being out until around 3. i was wearing a sweatshirt and pants. and of course i over heated in the morning and tumbled out of bed attempting to think of where must i go when my house is burning down whilst i am on the top floor.

oh well. meh. i eventually figured out nothing was amiss.
later i walked to cvs with my younger clone. i bought a few things including lighters. and. erm. yeah. then we walked back and i stepped in shit. in a bag. it was the funniest thing i had ever seen. i started laughing. because it was SHIT...in a BAG. i almost died. =)

*sigh* sundays...
- posted by Heather @ 6:09 PM

 
charles! lmao!
music - it's been a while by staind
Lilacfaerie (8:15:37 PM): iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Lilacfaerie (8:15:56 PM): looks like a lot of people the same height with the same sized head standing together in a row hahahaha
- posted by Heather @ 8:17 PM

 
only read this if for some unknown reason you want to know excessive, stupid crap about me...
music - girls not grey by AFI
Basics
Name: heather m
Birthplace: somewhere in boston
Birthdate: february 1, 1989
Current City of Residence: waltham baby!
Family Members: mom, dad and my clone sara

Favorites
Color: black, red
Beverage: probably water
Movie: me without you, the ring
Musical: my fair lady
Board Game: the game of life
Computer Game: don't like them
Game to Roleplay: i'm down for whater ;) lol
Animal: any big cats
Sport: feild hockey! woo go defence!
Book: the perks of being a wallflower, surivivor and the louise rennison books

A Day In The Life..
School: is boreing, aggravating, etc.
Typical Mood: everything at once
Usually Found?: day dreaming, writing, talking
Collects: nothing. although i did collect shoe laces, pens, sea glass and shells

Have You Ever
Been kissed: many a time
Done drugs: you're a nosey fucker aren't you?
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: haha oh yeah
Eaten sushi: yeah. but it's not my favorite
Been on stage: mhmm...and i love it
Been in a car accident: 2 minor ones and many close ones

This or That
Cold or Hot: cold
Blue or Red: red
Rain or Snow: both
Wool or Cotton: cotton
Private or Public School: public
Chocolate or Plain Milk: chocolate
Celsius or Farenheit:: farenheit, damn metric system lol
Spring or Fall: fall
Science or History: history
Math or English: english

Love Life
Do you like somebody?: yes. i think so
Do they know?: yeah
Do you want them?: fuck yes
Are they hot?: in a certain light they are...lol

Random
Who do you e-mail the most?: amanda (!)
Who do you IM the most?: ...uh...my friends
Who are you talking to now?: lillian, tomas, nyssa, mariellen, ryah, maya and ali. oh and talia's on the phone
Are you currently in love?: not sure
Is this survey lame?: hahahaha. i don't know if i should answer that one

In 24 hours have you...
...Showered?: yeah. i think so. yeah
...Had a serious talk?: yeah
...Hugged someone?: lol of course
...Gotten along with your parents?: i'm being NICE to my MOM for ONCE and she won't give me money! jesus
...Fought with a friend?: yes. *cough*LUCAS ZANDER*wheeze*
...Done something kind for someone?: i'd like to think so

Do You Like To...
Give hugs?: fuck yes
Give back rubs?: yeah
Take walks in the rain?:: of course
Cook?: yeah but i dislike the oven lol
Eat?: yes!
Sleep?: depends

Who..?
..Knows you the best?: probably brian or talia or jo or charles
..Have you known the longest?: my mom?
..Do you know the most about?: probably talia or jo. maybe renee or charlotte
..Do you consider your friend?: everyone. save john, zach etc.
..Is most likely to end up in jail?: at the rate i'm going probably me hehe
..Can you go to with your problems?: brian, jo, talia or elise depending on the problem
..Do you want to get to know better?: i don't know. probably lillian because she is tres mysterious
..Do you spend the most time with?: cobby because she rocks

Have You...
..Been to a concert?: yeah
..Loved someone so much it made you cry?: hah, yeah
..Cheated on a test?: maybee...
..Ever stalked someone?: hahahaha. yeah. too piss them off though
..Done something you regret?: too many to count
..Been in an online relationship?: once, then i realized what's the point? no fucking around and no 'mentel connection' so pfff...

Random Questions
Single or Hooked?: i don't know. quazi both
What is your worst habit?: i'm insecure, paranoid and over all fucked up
Scariest moment?: when i had a dream i was dead and i woke up and was walking around my house thinking i was dead. it was actually more confusing then scary
Do you swear too much?: yep
How do you feel about homosexuality?: i HATE homophobic people. i really do. i say whatever toots your horn
Where are you right now?: the roof
Are you sitting by anyone?: no =(
What song are you listening to?: take my hand by dido
What is the last thing you said?: 'fuck off'
What's on your mousepad?: nothing. it's a lap top
What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 7967. *cough*fucking wierdos lol
What was the last thing you ate?: chicken
If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: scarlet
How many buddies do you have on your list?: 198
What's the weather like right now?: cold and icky
What do you feel like doing?: watching a horror movie
What is your favorite quote?: "slice open my viens and let the romance bleed away"

Current...
Current clothing: jeans and a sweatshirt
Current mood: meh-y
Current taste: vanilla woo
Current hair: crappy bun
Current annoyance: people
Current smell: fall
Current thing you ought to be doing: bio report
Current jewelry: necklace, my ring that matches renees and some rubber bracelets from my friends
Current book: the bluest eye by toni morrison
Current refreshment: rasberry spritzer
Current worry: how disorganized my room is *grins phychotically* lol and whether or not i'm visiting conord academy next week
Current crush: i'm not telling you, you nosey bitch. hehe
Current favorite celebrity:
Current longing: to apologize to brian
Current music: now it's girls not grey by AFI
Current wish: too many to type
Current lyric in your head: "i'm a creep/i'm a wierdo/what the hell am i doing here/i don't belong here/whatever makes you happy/whatever you want/you're so fucking special/i wish i was special/"
Current makeup (if you're a girl!): eyeliner, mascara, vanilla lip stuff, red/pink nail polish
Current regret: saturday
Current desktop picture: blue swirly shit
Current plans for tonight/weekend: probably with the posse
Current cuss word du jour: shit
Current disappointment: my mom is in the near vicinity
Current amusement: how fluffy my hair is
Current IM/person you're talking to: i'm not on
Current love: yeah...stop asking dumb shit questions
Current obsession: music, pants, button up shirts, writing
Current avoidance: looking at myself
Current thing or things on your wall: words
Current favorite book: survivor
Current favorite movie: the eye. woo! thanks jo
- posted by Heather @ 7:34 PM

 
i love this song
music - eleanor rigby by the beatles
ah, look at all the lonely people/ah, look at all the lonely people/eleanor rigby/picks up the rice/at a church/where a wedding has been/lives in a dream/waits at the window/wearing a face that she keeps in a jar/by the door/who is it for/all the lonely people/where do they all come from/all the lonely people/where do they all belong/ah, look at the lonely people/ah, look at all the lonely people/father mckenzie/writing the words of a sermon/that no one/will hear/no one comes near/look at him working/darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there/what does he care/all the lonely people/where do they all come from/all the lonely people/where do they all belong/ah, look at all the lonely people/ah, look at all the lonely people/eleanor rigby/died in a church/and was buried/along with her name/nobody came/father mckenzie/wiping the death from his hands as he walks from the grave/no one was saved/all the lonely people/where do they all come from/all the lonely people/where do they all belong/
- posted by Heather @ 9:51 PM

 
yes! oh my god! yes!
music - bouncing off the walls again by sugar cult
that was not an orgasm. that was a massive JOYGASM because guess what!? i'll give you some room to guess, because i know that you never will...
(and no, it has nothing to do with poinsoned apples, giant ducks, or falling pianos)






my school is burning down! how AWESOME is that!? i, myself, find it insanely cool! aaah yes!! i'm so excited!! i can't wait until it's ALL gone! mwahaha! lol. it was an electrical fire in the field house! haha! and i know why! indeed i do!! because i was running around it today saying "burn, burn fucker, burn fucking down, burn, burn, burn..." under my breath just to
a) scare the cheerleaders
b) prove that i am insane
c) release my inner thoughts that i fucking HATE the place


isn't that insane? about 4 hours later the place was in flames.

oh man.
=) that's fucking awesome.
- posted by Heather @ 9:22 PM

 
over dose
music - solitary unraveling by mushroomhead
today was horrible. too say the least. good grief. honestly.

don't read this paragraph unless you were with me in the bathroom at about 4 in the morning on saturday night. not doing dirty things, of course. i realized how much i fucked up on saturday night. i'm so sorry. i wish i could take it all back. really, i do. i regret everything that happened and i realize YOU feeling this way is my fault, that the thing's that happen are my fault. i understand what you are trying to do is to make me happy and you don't need too because i know you worry about me and you shouldn't. i'll survive somehow. thank you for everything though, and i love you and miss you so much.

anyway. that really fucked me up. i go to school. it's raining and for ONCE art ISN'T cancelled. the day sucks automatically. it's monday. i'm tired, and of course, lillian doesn't have her shit to do the project with. i went insane. i had a two too many of that prozac shit. my mom has taken to hiding my medications and sleeping pills because she thinks i'll over dose. the prozac doesn't really help, i just feel really tired and mean. it's not like it fixes anything it's supposed too. i moped around and met james, who is very cool and i'm smitten with him. not in a sexual way, he's just really cool. i had bio and andy was sad and held onto my foot and i wrote him a letter. but it didn't help =(. which made me feel even crappier. then i had english. i love english, normally, but john mooney and zach croy...aah i swear to god i will kill them. i really hate them. and i'm forced to work with john in close quarters for the next 2 or 3 weeks because of this fucking project. someone is going to be missing an eye or two when i'm done. and maybe a testicle. because i hate them THAT MUCH! erlack.

lucas told me he liked my shirt. that made me happy.
everyone else...
shut your mouth, choke on your food

and die.

- posted by Heather @ 5:56 PM